Ranking the good, bad and ugly of the Big Ten’s 54-game non-conference slate

Oregon, UCLA, USC and Washington tend to play a better slate of non-conference games. Particularly the Los Angeles schools. Particularly the tradition-laden Trojans, who typically augment their annual Notre Dame rivalry game with another out-of-league power conference opponent.

In 2024, that’s an opening weekend game against LSU. It’s a Sunday night special from Las Vegas, where both teams will get a $5 million payout to play in the game. And thanks to the College Football Playoff’s expansion to 12 teams, the battle is not necessarily a season-opening knockout game.

Of course, according to a late May report from Saturday Down South, USC coach Lincoln Riley still tried to wiggle out of the game. The report says Fox even got involved, since it didn’t want its new toy starting the 2024 season on ABC/ESPN.

The game remains on — and part of the Big Ten’s best non-conference slate in years.

Thanks to USC’s arrival, Notre Dame appears in these rankings twice. So does LSU — which also hosts UCLA. And there’s…Alabama playing at Big Ten venue? And Texas doing the same? Plus The Apple Cup and Civil War on the same day in mid-September?

UT’s trip to Michigan — the first-ever regular season meeting between the teams — invariably tops the list. It must. But a close second will be the Crimson Tide’s trip to Madison to play Wisconsin on Sept. 14. The Badgers did not draw a night game start — if Fox wants a game for Big Noon Kickoff, it usually gets that — but it’ll be a rare opportunity to challenge a blue blood in an unusual setting. Camp Randall Stadium brings the noise.

“Ultimately, it gives you an opportunity to figure out and measure where you are,” UW coach Luke Fickell told the Jim Rome Show. “I don’t know that we can put it in a better spot to be honest with you. In game three, at home.”

Behold the rankings for all 54 non-conference games. Yes, the Mid-American Conference Meal Plan — where Big Ten teams feast on MAC squads — returns again. But there are better games at the top of the food chain, including some old-school rivalries roaring back to life.

While not quite the titanic clash it would have been in 2023 — the Wolverines are rebuilding after a national title — this is the kind of game we once got routinely in early September, and hope to see in the College Football Playoff.

The Crimson Tide ventures north of the Mason-Dixon line for a college football game. Doesn’t happen very often, and it won’t be easy to win. Only rub: It’s an 11 a.m. kickoff, and Camp Randall students are slow to enter the stadium.

Look for the Tigers to be locked in at kickoff, given their opening weekend loss to Florida State in 2023 detailed a national title run.

The game hasn’t been true appointment television since 2012. The Fighting Irish may have their best team since then, incidentally.

NU got its wish granted: A night game with the Buffaloes and Coach Prime. It’ll be a once-a-decade crowd but don’t be surprised if Shedeur Sanders makes the Huskers work for a win.

Perhaps the best pure rivalry game of last season, the way the Huskies needed a fourth down trick play to secure victory. The Apple Cup will have better weather in mid-September, too.

Deep distaste between these two programs; I’ve heard the stories from NU/OSU’s former coaches. The Ducks are a juggernaut that should silence the Beavers.

Irrationally excited for this clash of former independents inside Mountaineer territory. PSU will be on upset alert here.

Helmet game of the year. None better than LSU’s — except for UCLA.

Sneaky big game for Bret Bielema, who got taken to the woodshed in Lawrence last year. And KU is even better in 2024.

Trap game for the Badgers. USD is a FCS national title contender in 2024, and the Badgers may be looking ahead to Alabama.

I wonder if Mack Brown ever imagined he’d be coaching a game at this stage of his career in Minneapolis.

This is like a conference game for the Boilermakers, who played ND for 68 straight seasons. Purdue’s season tickets sales tend to do well, too.

Greg Schiano’s best team so far in Lane Stadium. Like it! Only tough teams survive.

OK, this ain’t quite Appalachian State in 2007, but Fresno State beat Purdue and Arizona State last year, and these Wolverines have to break in a bunch of new players for head coach Sherrone Moore.

Obligatory “it’s better as a basketball game” disclaimer.

Kirk Ferentz and Co. are all the way inside the heads of Matt Campbell and the Cyclones. It diminishes the novelty of the meeting, to be honest.

Big Brains Bowl! The Blue Devils have won the last five in the series, never scoring fewer than 21 points.

By this time in a season, your non-power teams are a little beat up and less excited to pull an upset on a power team. Still, both may need this one for bowl eligibility.

Tall order for the Boilermakers, who have to turn around and play Nebraska on what’ll amount to short rest while NU has an extra day of it.

Obligatory “it’s better as a football game in the ‘80s or ‘90s” disclaimer.

The Broncos aren’t what they used to be, but they’ll still pack a kick early in the year.

Obligatory “it’s better as a men’s volleyball match” disclaimer. (The schools have combined to win the last four national titles.)

The Trojans usually have some athletes that can play for any team. Ask Nebraska in 2018.

The lone “easy” game for the Trojans in 2024. No team schedules more rigorously.

Now that he’s turned down the Lakers, perhaps Danny Hurley can take on the real challenge of leading the Husky football team.

MSU’s usual Friday night season-opening slot. The Spartans have tended to be sloppy to start the season.

One of UM’s bajillion home games.

The Gophers could be in for the Chubba Purdy experience if the former Husker QB can win the Nevada starting job.

Our first appearance of the MAC meal plan but, somewhat stunningly, it’s the Chippewas’ first game against Illinois. CMU has a 6-29 record vs. the Big Ten.

This is a game that will be played.

UNI expends its Big Ten foes to the west, eschewing Iowa and Iowa State for the Huskers. Should be fun.

The Miners last beat a power conference team in 1967 and has never beaten a Big Ten. So, NU should like its odds.

Thundering Herd coach Charles Huff is an up-and-comer whose team might upset a handful of Big Ten squads. The Buckeyes aren’t among them.

If PSU loses to West Virginia, this’ll be the “get right” game.

More MAC plan. Thursday night opener for the Badgers, who may shake off the rust pretty quickly.

Two great minds in this one, Nova’s Rollie Massimino and the Terps’ Lefty Driesell.

Odds are good that, in his weekly press conference, UM coach P.J. Fleck reminds the media room at Rhode Island is in “our nation’s smallest state — but they’re a big football team.”

Interesting mostly for the Wildcats’ decision to build a temporary, makeshift lakefront stadium while its new palace is built over the next two seasons. Miami (Ohio) will be the first foe inside this complex. I’ve seen — been to! — the patch of land where it’ll get built. It’s…cozy.

WMU originally planned to play Cincinnati but dropped the Bearcats to make $1.8 million from OSU.

The Jack Trudeau/Tony Romo invitational.

The Vandals have improved since returning to the FCS ranks, embracing a rugged western style of football.

The Hoosiers really taxed themselves in non-conference play this season.

I mean, IU really put itself through the wringer.

In 19 losses to Big Ten foes, the Golden Flashes have allowed fewer than 30 points just once.

Tim Lester’s offense should get off to a good start — or, at least, a good start for Iowa.

The Boilermakers play three teams from their home state in 2024 — ND, IU, and these Sycamores.

The MAC goes west! And back in 2022, EMU upset Arizona State, so keep an eye on it.

The Zips will be lucky to score more than that.

The first Big Ten After Dark Saturday night experience — kickoff at 10 p.m. — features a revamped Husky squad against Weber State coach…Mickey Mental.

The Scarlet Knights won the last matchup 52-14 in 2016. That RU team got shut out four times.

Short notice game for MSU, which had to fill a date when Louisiana backed out to instead play Wake Forest. It won’t be very competitive, and is not likely to be repeated.