It’s time to ask the question you’ve all been waiting for.
We’re not asking, “Why doesn’t Rutgers have a Big Ten rivalry trophy yet?” Nor are we asking, “Why does Nike keep trying to make neon green a thing in the Spartans’ uniforms?”
No, it’s time to ask, “How good are the Buckeyes, really?”
The offense is good, right? They hung 52 on Nebraska. Then again, Illinois hung 41 on Nebraska with a QB who hadn’t played in four weeks.
The defense is good, right? Then again, they let Rutgers score 27, just eight points less than the Scarlet Knights put up in regulation against Michigan two weeks later, and we’re pretty sure the U-M defense is bad.
READ MORE: At dawn of Ohio State week, Michigan invites the criticism it will receive
And hey, they juuuussst beat the Spartans by 40 … but that’s an MSU team that lost by 11 to Rutgers, by 24 to Indiana (in a shutout) and by 42 to Iowa. (We’re not saying the Hawkeyes are two points better than the Buckeyes — the raw numbers might be, but we’re not.)
The problem is, it’s a question we might not get answered before the College Football Playoff committee, especially if we don’t get a U-M/OSU game this weekend to put the Buckeyes in the Big Ten championship game. (In which they would play … a verified-worse-than-MSU Northwestern squad. They system’s not perfect, is what we’re saying.)
[ Why MSU was never able to recover after stagnant start vs. Ohio State ]
That said, here’s hoping they don’t do something crazy like rewrite the rules to get OSU to Indy; there’s so much potential for the games as is. Here’s how the Big Ten Champions Week crossover games look going into the final week, assuming no U-M/OSU game:
Title game: Indiana vs. Northwestern — Just what we all bet on in October, right? At least these are arguably the two top defenses in the conference, just perfect for a noon start and a good nap … moving on ….
No. 2’s: Ohio State vs. Iowa — Kirk Ferentz gets a week to come up with one-liners and imagined slights against his Hawkeyes and the good people of Iowa.
No. 3’s: Maryland vs. Wisconsin — The two best freshman QBs –— Graham Mertz and Taulia Tagovailoa — in the conference? Sold. (Sorry, Payton Thorne.)
No. 4’s: Michigan State vs. Minnesota — Mel Tucker vs. P.J. Fleck. “Do your job” vs. “Row the boat.”
No. 5’s: Michigan vs. Illinois — Brandon Peters vs. Jim Harbaugh? (Look, you try coming up with reasons to watch the Wolverines these days.)
No. 6’s: Penn State vs. Nebraska — These two played five times from 1979-83 while ranked in the AP Top 25. This game is about as far from that as possible.
No 7’s: Rutgers vs. Purdue — Our only rematch from earlier this season, with Rutgers winning, 37-30. (It could be worse: throw out the tiebreakers and we could have Rutgers/Nebraska in this spot.)
Of course, all this could change by end of day Saturday. So, until then, let’s run through the misery index, from least to most miserable:
14. Iowa: W, 35-21, over Illinois
Record: 5-2. Last week: 11.
The Illini scored the first 14 points Saturday. The Hawkeyes scored the next 35 in a game that officially started at 2:40 Central time. Per usual, we’ll cede our time to timeout-leavin’, Floyd-takin’, pants-changin’ Kirk Ferentz: “I think maybe we thought it was going to start at 3:30.”
13. Ohio State: W, 52-12, over Michigan State
Record: 5-0. Last week: 8.
Normally, winning by 40 is the equivalent of a Misery Index bye week. But this week… well, we’ll just say we haven’t seen this many Buckeyes worried about tests in December since … uh, ever?
[ Michigan pessimistic about playing Ohio State game as COVID-19 details emerge ]
12. Northwestern: DNP
Record: 5-1. Last week: 2.
The Fightin’ Rece Davises spent their Saturday nice and warm and not-outdoors-in-Minnesota, and now they’re going to the Big Ten championship game. Why aren’t they higher, again?
11. Nebraska: W, 37-27, over Purdue
Record: 2-4. Last week: 3.
The ‘Huskers got their second win of the season, but the real magic came in the third quarter after a 17-point lead had dwindled to seven points. Coach Scott Frost called it “one of the weirdest drives I’ve ever seen coaching or watching.” We call it all of 2020 in a single drive: 14 snaps (including the opening kickoff), four Nebraska penalties (for minus-42 yards), three Purdue penalties (for 45 yards), 79 yards covered, 5:12 run off the clock … all for three points. #ThanksForBringingBackB1GFootball
10. Indiana: W, 14-6, over Wisconsin
Record: 6-1. Last week: 10.
Ponder this: The Hoosiers are just a few COVID-19 tests and a couple wins — over Purdue and maybe Northwestern — away from playing in “The Grandaddy of ‘Em All, The Rose Bowl on AYYYYY-BC (er, ESPN).” (We can’t even make a Hoosiers/New Year’s Day/basketball joke, either; the men’s basketball team has only played two games on New Year’s since World War II: 1948 and 2011.)
9. Penn State: W, 23-7, over Rutgers
Record: 2-5. Last week: 13.
Saturday’s win was the 900th in program history, and we’re pretty sure only, like, 300 of those, max, came against Rutgers. (Fact check: Penn State is 29-2 all-time against Rutgers —12-0 in the state of New Jersey — with 14 straight wins overall in the series.)
8. Minnesota: DNP
Record: 2-3. Last week: T4.
Usually in Minnesota, if you sit around doing nothing in December as long as the Gophers have, you at least come away with a fish or two.
MISERY INDEX FLASHBACKS
WEEK 1: Replacing Rutgers as the butt of our jokes
WEEK 2: A new type of contagion hits Michigan football
WEEK 3: A long time coming for Michigan, Penn State
WEEK 4: A trophy case of pain for Michigan, Michigan State
WEEK 5: It’s already time for basketball season
WEEK 6: Time for some (hey, Michigan!) to work out their grief
7. Maryland: DNP
Record: 2-2. Last week: 7.
Of all the years to end up skipping Michigan and Michigan State, this was probably not the one, Terps.
6. Michigan: DNP
Record: 2-4. Last week: 1.
As bad as Jim Harbaugh’s COVID week has been, we’re pretty sure his brother John had it worse.
5. Illinois, L, 35-21, to Iowa
Record: 2-4. Last week: 9.
Ex-Wolverines QB Brandon Peters completed his first eight passes Saturday as the Illini built a 14-7 lead. He completed two passes (on 10 attempts) the rest of the way. A Michigan man falling apart at the end? Never seen that before. (Hi, Coach Harbaugh!)
4. Purdue: L, 37-27, to Nebraska
Record: 2-4. Last week: 6.
Four straight losses after a 2-0 start — with the previous three by one score — is plenty painful. But there was this 89-yard touchdown for Purdue. At midfield on a 40-yard bomb from QB Jack Plummer, wide receiver David Bell and two ’Huskers defenders go up for the ball. Bell catches it. The ‘Huskers … don’t. (No OPI on this one.) Finally, the perfect meme for Nebraska’s 2020 defense. #ThanksForBringingBackB1GFootball
3. Rutgers: L, 23-7, to Penn State
Record: 2-5. Last week: 12.
The Scarlet Knights have come so far this season. But still: Bo Melton’s fourth-down touchdown catch with about 20 minutes remaining Saturday was just their third ever against Penn State in Big Ten play. The others: Gary Nova had a 14-yard run in 2014, and Raheem Blackshear had a 2-yard run 2018. Yes, it was Rutgers’ first passing touchdown against Penn State since Sept. 23, 1995. (The Penn State defensive backs coach that day, by the way? Greg Schiano.)
2. Wisconsin: L, 14-6, to Indiana
Record: 2-2. Last week: T4.
Hey, we’ve seen plenty of ’Sconnie teams put up six and take home the win. They were playing hockey, but still …
1. Michigan State: L, 52-12, to Ohio State
Record: 2-4. Last week: 14.
Look out, Coach Tucker; even Harbaugh keeps his losses to the Buckeyes under 30. Another one of these and you might end up coaching the Lions.
Contact Ryan Ford at rford@freepress.com. Follow him on Twitter @theford.
This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Big Ten football misery index: OSU hasn’t worried about tests until now
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