Bring on the title game … and Champions Week

We can see the finish line, finally.

It’s right there … see it? Just duck your head around that Michigan/Penn State basketball game Sunday afternoon (no hoops, not yet!), squint through that Buffalo/Ball State game at Ford Field on Friday night (get your own Misery Index, MAC!) — and you’ll see it. There! Saturday! Indianapolis!

The Big Ten Championship Game! … and some other games, in some other places.

C’mon, if you can’t get excited about Ohio State’s fourth straight appearance, and Northwestern’s second in three years … you’ve obviously been watching a lot of Big Ten football this season. And anyway, this is the Big Ten football Misery Index; we’re not here to see Ohio Statesome team win it all. We’re here for all the other stuff, like a Michigan man arguing for Ohio State to make the College Football Playoff. (Bo and Woody are spinning in their graves,)

[ Warde Manuel explains why Michigan canceled game vs. Ohio State ]

And along those lines, we’d love to tell you what games the Big Ten should pick for Champions Week, but … whenever we say the Big Ten should Hoosier (sorry, Indiana!), it Buckeyes the other way.

But we can say that we have some questions for the final weekend, such as:

Who do the Hoosiers root for? Themselves, obviously (assuming enough of them clear COVID-19 protocols to have a game), but what about the B1G title game? Rooting for OSU just seems wrong, considering up until Wednesday, it looked like the Buckeyes were out and the Hoosiers were in. But a Northwestern win would give the Wildcats the Big Ten’s New Year’s Six berth and Ohio State would probably still grab an at-large berth, dropping the Hoosiers down the ladder even further (especially if they don’t play Saturday). These are the sort of questions you never face when you’re a basketball school.

Will this be Lovie Smith’s last game at Illinois? The Smith Era in Champaign hasn’t been pretty; the Illini are 17-39 since the start of the 2016 season, second worst in the Big Ten over that span. (We won’t tell you who the worst is, but it rhymes with Wutgers.) Year 5 had its bright spots — they beat Nebraska! And Rutgers! — but it has also seen Illinois outscored 63-17 since taking a 14-0 lead against Iowa last week. There’s also the matter of five straight losses to that purple-clad rival up north, a buyout that’s down to $2.6 million (the lowest known among Power Five coaches) and, well, Smith’s case to stick around looks a lot like Jim Harbaugh’s, without any 10-win seasons or NFL teams reportedly sniffing around.

Story continues

Speaking of Harbaugh, are he and Michigan ever going to get that contract done? We may finally get our answer this week, but if he needs a bargaining chip, just remind ‘em the Wolverines are riding a one-year unbeaten streak against the Buckeyes. Print. Those. T-shirts.

[ Mitch Albom: Who makes the call on U-M’s Jim Harbaugh? Likely, Harbaugh ]

Anyway, let’s roll out the misery index, from least miserable to most miserable:

14. Rutgers: W, 27-24 (OT), over Maryland

Record: 3-5. Last week: 3.

Do a “snow angel” at midfield (around the 20-second mark of this clip) after a snow-free OT win? You’re headed to the top/bottom of the Misery Indes. And anyway, this is the Scarlet Knights’ third season with at least three Big Ten wins since joining the conference in 2014. They’ve never had four wins.

13. Ohio State: DNP

Record: 5-0. Last week: 13.

It’s the first season without “The Game” since 1917 — roughly the year we started wondering about Jim Harbaugh’s contract extension — which means OSU’s unbeaten streak in the rivalry will reach some ridiculous numbers. OSU and U-M are scheduled to play again on Nov. 27, 2021. Michigan football’s last win in the rivalry came on Nov. 26, 2011, meaning the Wolverines will have gone 3,654 days without beating the Buckeyes … or 522 weeks … or 87,696 hours … or 5,261,760 minutes … or 315,705,600 seconds … or, look, let’s put this in non-time terms: When the Wolverines last won, there were four movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe – Chris Evans starred as Captain America in the fourth, released a few months before U-M’s win. By the time they even have another shot, there will be 23 in the MCU, and Anthony Mackie will be the new Captain America. Yes, U-M’s winless streak is one Captain America long … so far.

12. Northwestern: W, 28-10, over Illinois

Record: 6-1. Last week: 12.

The Fightin’ Rece Davises finally have an opponent in the Big Ten title game, and Pat Fitzgerald is ready for the disrespect: “I’m sure we’re gonna be underdogs by, like 70,” the Wildcats coach said after Saturday’s win. For what it’s worth, Ohio State has only put up 70 on Northwestern once — in 1981, when the Buckeyes beat the Wildcats by 64, 70-6. So if you can get “Northwestern, +70” at your local sportsbook, take it.

11. Iowa: W, 28-7, over Wisconsin

Record: 6-2. Last week: 14.

It’s been quite the year of trash-talking for the Hawkeyes, what with timeout-leaving Kirk Ferentz and mustache-dissing Keith Duncan. On Saturday, it was the Kinnick Stadium audio crew’s turn, as they played House of Pain’s “Jump Around” — a post-third quarter Wisconsin home staple — late in the fourth quarter.

10. Penn State: W, 39-24, over Michigan State

Record: 3-5. Last week: 9.

MSU was up 11 after two quarters, and down 15 after four. Was there a recount in Pennsylvania at halftime and we just missed it?

[ Why MSU started hot vs. Penn State, but petered out in the second half ]

9. Minnesota: W, 24-17, over Nebraska

Record: 3-3. Last week: 8.

Mohamed Ibrahim rushed for two touchdowns, giving him 15 on the season. We haven’t seen a Gopher perform this well as an underdog — the ’Huskers were 10-point favorites — since Caddyshack.

8. Purdue: DNP

Record: 2-4. Last week: 4.

As we mourn a pause in the battle for the Old Oaken Bucket — barring a “Big Ten Champions Week” save — let’s remember that it took an eight-man committee in 1925 to come up with the bucket. Which is to say, you get a committee thinking about college football, you’re likely to get some strange results, no matter which decade you’re in.

7. Michigan State: L, 39-24, to Penn State

Record: 2-5. Last week: 1.

The helmets were good. The first half was great. The second half? Well, maybe “Gruff Sparty” was just trying to warn us about that second half.

6. Michigan: DNP

Record: 2-4. Last week: 6.

Put it on Jim Harbaugh’s performance review: For once, Saturday featured somebody else losing by three scores in Columbus on national TV. Granted, it was the Seattle Sounders in the MLS Cup final, but who’s counting (other than Warde Manuel)?

MISERY INDEX FLASHBACKS

WEEK 1: Replacing Rutgers as the butt of our jokes

WEEK 2: A new type of contagion hits Michigan football

WEEK 3: A long time coming for Michigan, Penn State

WEEK 4: A trophy case of pain for Michigan, Michigan State

WEEK 5: It’s already time for basketball season

WEEK 6: Time for some (hey, Michigan!) to work out their grief

WEEK 7: Ohio State worried about test results in December?

5. Maryland: L, 27-24 (OT), to Rutgers

Record: 2-3. Last week: 7.

Is there a more boom-or-bust skill player in the Big Ten than running back Jake Funk? Maryland’s, er … sporadic … schedule has mostly kept him out of the limelight, but he has a 180-yard game (Saturday), a 221-yard game (Oct. 30 vs. Minnesota) and two games in which he rushed for 115 yards combined. Inf fact, you might say (don’t say it) that Funk (no, really, don’t say it) is a little (we’re begging you, don’t say it) … out of rhythm.

4. Wisconsin: L, 28-7, to Iowa

Record: 2-3. Last week: 2.

The Badgers scored 21 points against Michigan on Nov. 14 — in the second half. They’ve scored 20 points combined over the past month (with only one COVID-19 cancellation).

3. Illinois: L, 28-10, to Northwestern

Record: 2-5. Last week: 5.

Illini linebacker Milo Eifer took shots at the Wildcats earlier this week in an interview that included the phrase: “We get to beat up on our little brothers.” Illinois had lost their previous five games against Northwestern by an average of 18.6 points. Do you not need to know what a “little brother” is to attend Illinois? Do the Illini need to hire (now-Indiana running backs coach) Mike Hart to teach their players proper “little brother” usage. (In the same interview, Eifler also attempted to trash the Wildcats by saying, “Evanston, I don’t even know where that is.” Not a good week for Illinois’ English, geography or football departments, or for Northwestern’s “Chicago’s Big Ten Team” campaign, honestly.)

2. Indiana: DNP

Record: 6-1. Last week: 10.

Once again, the Big Ten administrators held a secret vote about the future of the football season that dashed the championship game hopes of a crimson-clad team. Gosh, why isn’t Nebraska threatening to sue this time around? (Seriously, though, the Hoosiers are taking the rule change — and the death of the #9WINdiana dream – a lot better than some other schools we could name.)

1. Nebraska: L, 24-17, to Minnesota

Record: 2-5. Last week: 11.

Saturday locked up the third five-loss season in a row for the ’Huskers and coach Scott Frost; he’s tied with Mike Riley and Bill Callahan for the most five-loss seasons at Nebraska in the past 65 years. And a loss next Saturday would give Frost three SIX-loss seasons, something no Nebraska coach has done since William Jennings from 1959-61. (He was not asked back for 1962.) Pro tip: The phrase “tied with Mike Riley and Bill Callahan” is never a good sign for future employment chances.

Contact Ryan Ford at rford@freepress.com.

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Big Ten football misery index: Bring on title game and Champions Week