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Annual Ritual: Destroying The World For Lush Green Lawns

This is not about sports.

This past weekend I participated in an annual spring ritual I’m sure occurs all across America. I dumped a crapload of chemicals on my lawn in the futile attempt to make it look better. My lawn isn’t very nice because I fail at the most basic requirement of lawn care – the key being “care.” In the 25 years I’ve lived here, I have only rarely done the chemical dumping routine. I have performed minimal lawn maintenance. I mow. That’s about it.

My lawn is full of weeds. It is a horrible lawn by most standards of affluent suburbia. I live in an affluent suburb, Chaska Minnesota. The neighborhood in which I live in is a great neighborhood. We’re not at the upper end of neighborhoods in our piece of suburbia or I would be forced to do a better job taking care of my lawn. This is one of the reasons I don’t bother moving up, which means getting a better and larger house. Other reasons include not wanting to pay more for a mortgage and not having a bigger house to take care nor fill with junk I don’t need.

I refuse to pay a lawn service to come in and dump chemicals on my lawn because I am cheap and I haven’t seen very good results at my neighbors who use the services. One of my neighbors fired their lawn service last year for destroying their lawn. Lawn care guys will stop by my house every year to try to sell me on their service. They point at my lawn and how awful it looks.

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